"There comes a time when a woman needs to stop thinking about her looks and focus her energies on raising her children. This time comes at the moment of conception. A child needs a role model not a supermodel." ~Terri Guillemets {a commentary on the "hot mom" trend}
For over 100 years now women have been crusading for equal rights and banding together to be treated and paid as well as men. Victory was almost achieved until the creation of the word "MILF." From that moment on Mothers everywhere suffered aneurysms, becoming delirious. All their time and energy was focused on becoming a "hot mom." I thought Motherhood was difficult enough without bearing the burden of cakey make up, thongs, high heels, and low-rise jeans at every Chuck-E-Cheese b-day and park play date.
I myself had been swept up in the frenzy. That was, until the other night. For years I've been sucking in and jumping around the room to get into "skinny jeans", schlepping on mascara and other unholy MAN-made concoctions of torture to get my husband to notice me. I was beginning to think he was either gay or had no interest in Mama Bear anymore. Little did I know all I needed to get him going was a Yankees t-shirt, "mom jeans", and flip flops. Yep, on my way to a ladies night; wearing no make-up and a sloppy pony tail, my husband finally uttered the sacred words I'd been longing to hear "You look hot."
Really?!
Seriously?!
To say I looked unkempt or a bit dishevelled would be an understatement. That was how I looked when no one was around and I had to clean the urine off the bottom of the toilet. [By the way, it is still a mystery to me as to how the males in my house manage to miss the giant hole and get pee on the side of the toilet.] Anyway, that moment changed my life forever. No longer will I torture myself with strings in my crack or pants that show everyone my crack when I'm changing a diaper. Never again will I slaughter my feet in the wretched heels of evil. From now on I will be in the gentle cotton embrace of Hanes Her Way. From this day forward my feet shall dwell in the tender hollows of Birkenstocks.
What shall I do with all that time I spent beautifying myself? Wherever will the funds once spent on unnecessary products go? How will I spend my days if I'm not eating lettuce and getting manicures? *Sigh* My, my, my, what a dilemma!
Perhaps my time, energy, and money could go to my children? Maybe this would even make my life easier. Goodness, why has no one thought of this until now?!
I know, I know...crazy talk. So crazy in fact I'm quite sure the organization of men who founded the hot mom/MILF trend have spies on me right now. They will spring into action while I'm sleeping tonight and by morning my soul endeavor will again be my appearance. If they get to me it is your job to carry on the fight. The fight our foremothers began. Let us make them proud!
Repeat after me:
I will wear granny panties!
I will rock mom jeans!
I will don swimsuits that look like a dress so I can go on all the cool rides and not have to worry about my ta-ta's popping out!
I will spend time with my children and have no other worries than boo-boos and monsters under the bed.
*Note from the author:
I would like to make it clear I'm not saying you should look like a slob and wear pajamas in public or anything! Sometimes it's nice to slip on that sexy black dress and heels for date night. You can still look classy and beautiful without shopping in the juniors section. Also, I don't think having time to yourself or getting a pedicure is wrong. On the contrary, I think treating yourself is necessary to prevent being institutionalized.
